The Magical World of Wax-Paper Toilet Covers
written 06.26.2001

I am constantly amazed about some inventions. Surely most of you know what I'm talking about: they're sheets of a water-resistant translucent paper cut in the shape of a toilet seat with a perforated edge inside to detach for easy deposit. Generally they're contained in an inconspicuous plastic "SCOTT" box on the wall in a bathroom stall and come packed in big Kleenex® type boxes, folded in half.

Now I encountered these things for the first time in the Fall of 1998 when I was doing technical support for Blockbuster. The discussion of the details of this encounter, of course, I'll leave out on behalf of better judgment. Anyway, it occured to me that the concept of this little paper device was quite noble and that its execution was not entirely ill either. Having always had an interest in new technology, I stayed there for quite some time speculating this simple piece of paper in awe.

There is most definitely a need for such items that have extremely specific niches. Take the sticky note, first introduced to the market by one Art Fry of 3M (I believe) in 1974. Where people needed a scrap of paper to jot down an idea, here was the ultimate answer. It's hard to imagine how any given office would operate without them--I've got 3 pads on my desk, and I have the fewest of all the people in my group. These products can flood the market without anyone ever really knowing, because they're so naturally integrated into the rest of life's everyday details that they're taken for granted. Meanwhile, the inventor receives the patent and the acclaim of the most common of items.

Naturally money flows blindly into that which is deemed so necessary (if not trendy): I went to Red Lobster last week and saw my friend the paper toilet cover in a very nifty dispenser. I notice them at video rental stores and Best Buy and bathrooms in malls. Soon convenience stores everywhere will provide these goodies in their WCs. I imagine, if it weren't for the comfort of the family and the potential of insulting one's roommates, we'd also see them for consumer purchase in the near future. They promote cleanliness, hygiene, and sterility in an activity that is totally the opposite.

Recently I saw an episode (a rerun, of course) of Seinfeld in which Elaine's office was restructured so that there were only two women on that floor and thus using that particular women's restroom. As Elaine was applying lipstick at the mirror, the other lady came into the bathroom, at which Elaine greeted her with cheer and explained her excitement at not having to share a bathroom with anyone else. Well, this ol' gal, she went to the trusty wax-paper dispenser which was outside the stalls (for common access) and sneered at Elaine while removing a cover from the box. Two things occured to me: first, that a popular TV show had picked up on this product and used it in a skit showed its extreme pervasion of the culture; and second, that the use of our esteemed paper shields is at its most basic level an effort to avoid other people. Do we really want to do that? I mean, is everyone else so gross and disgusting that we need to line our toilets with disposable tissue?

I'll answer my own question with an affirmative--while I don't necessarily want to be a hermit, I do prefer the protection of my bum from the greater evil that is negleted hygiene and general filth. I find no fault in that.